Resistance: The Protector Series

Me: It's time to pack.

Also Me: I don't want to pack.

Me: But, we're leaving in the morning.

Also Me: But, I really don't want to pack.

Stalemate. 

How many times have I been in this scenario? A lot. About the gym, making a difficult phone call, even writing this article (I think it's time to take a break and get a string cheese). And it can lead to massive frustration or greater self-understanding. It's all in the approach. 

Do I approach the inner conversation with curiosity and introspection or with self-criticism?

1) Let's say I choose self-criticism:

Me: What's wrong with me? Why can't I just pack? Why can't I just get it done? Ugh. 

It ends up being a loop of self-loathing. And I don't get to learn anything new about myself and just shows up again and again.

2) Let's say I choose introspection:

Me: What's going on with me? What is this resistance to packing trying to communicate to me? What is the resistance trying to protect me from? What big feelings am I afraid to feel? 

It ends up being a process of self-compassion. And I get to learn what's really going on under the hood so I can better take care of myself the next time.

Resistance is a protector. 

It protects us from big feelings that may be hiding under the hood. It's a signal that our body is trying to communicate a need with us. 

When resistance pops up, there is a step-by-step process I use to connect with it:

Step 1: I thank the resistance for trying to protect me from big feelings.

Step 2: I let the resistance know that I am an adult and capable of feeling big feelings.

Step 3: I tell the resistance that I won't disregard it. We can just go one step at a time, and I'll check-in with it as we go. 

Step 4: I have a temper tantrum if needed to release the anger or frustration that has built up. (Ex. Stomping my feet and yelling, 'UGH! I don't want to pack! Packing is stupid! This is the worst! I don't want to do any of this!' until the feelings dissipate.) Sometimes feelings just need to be verbalized and recognized to be released - letting the body know that we're listening.

Step 5: Once I'm in a balanced nervous system state, I ask the resistance, 'What big feelings are you protecting me from?'

Step 6: Recognize the big feelings as valid. (Ex. I discover that the resistance to packing is actually protecting me from the fear I'm feeling about the trip. 'Of course I'm afraid. The brain doesn't like the unknown and there is a lot of unknown.')

Step 7: Recognize that every feeling has a need associated with it. Fear = Reassurance. Grief = Nurturing. Anger = Boundary. (Ex. I talk to my inner child who is afraid: 'It's ok to be afraid. We'll go one step at a time. I'm here and I've got you. We'll do everything together, hand-in-hand. I promise to check-in with you every step of the way.')

As the resistance releases, I can go about my task with freedom and a deeper connection to myself knowing that I have thoughtfully received the message it was trying to communicate.

I hope this article provides some gentleness and clarity the next time resistance shows up. :)

Feel free to reach out with any questions: kristin@kristinwald.com

- Kristin

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