My Step-by-Step Approach to De-Funk-A-Saurus-Rex Myself

Last week was a long week. 

One of those weeks where you ask yourself, 'come on, is this for real?'

A string of disappointments. And a lot of feelings.

• Sunday: My mom went to emergency after a fall. She's totally fine, but the situation was definitely not fine.

• Monday: I had back-to-back doctor's appointments and had to get surprise blood work - my veins like to go rogue and become very difficult to find, so I need prep time for such endeavors.

• Tuesday: I found out that I had to delay embryo freezing, due to an over-eager follicle.

• Wednesday: I had two exciting work projects put on hold, with no idea as to when or if they'd get start back up. 

• By Thursday, I just wanted to treat myself and my inner child to something delightful - my favorite tea - and the store was sold out... for the first time.

• So Friday, I thought of something extra special to feel nurtured - treating myself to a foot massage - and the masseuse was not available... for the first time.

I mean, really??? 

If the Universe wanted to choreograph the perfect way for me to feel the disappointment, it was a beautiful ensemble of fuckery.

By Wednesday afternoon, I was, as I like to say, a funk-a-saurus-rex. 

I was super off, and all up in my feels. When I get into a state like that, where it feels like things just aren't going my way, there are a few things that happen.

My Step-by-Step Approach to De-Funk-A-Saurus-Rex Myself:

Step 1: I let the people around me know that I'm funky.

• I texted my husband. I called my mom. I let my close friends know. 

• 'Hey, just letting you know, I'm feeling a bunch of feelings, and I can't explain it. I'm a bit off, and it has nothing to do with you.' 

Step 2: My loved ones don't try to fix it. They ask me:

• 'What do you need? How can I best support you?' 

Step 3: I then get really clear on my needs and let them know how to best support me. 

• In this case, I shared, 'I just need gentleness and some space to be 'off.' I'd prefer not to have any 'serious' conversations for the next couple of days.'

Step 4: I repeat to myself, 'It's uncomfortable, but it's not dangerous' to regulate my nervous system and let my inner child know that it's safe to have big feelings.

Step 5: I give myself space to be quiet and observe which protectors are going to come in to try to protect me from my big feelings. 

• My protectors love the shit out of me and are excellent at trying to protect me from feeling big feelings. (Ex. the Critic, Perfectionism, Dissociation, Distraction, the Controller, the Meaning-Maker, etc.)

Step 6: In this case, the Critic and the Meaning-Maker were on high alert. They were ready to rock. 

• The Critic: 'All of this not working out is probably a reflection of you. You're clearly not as good as you thought you were. Maybe you'll fail.'

• The Meaning-Maker: 'See, Kristin, right when you think it's all working out, this is just another example of you trying something and it not working. These are all examples of it not working out like in the past. It's all disappointment and maybe it will continue to be. So sad for you.'

Step 7: I pause, put my hand on my heart, and tell the Critic and the Meaning-Maker:

• 'Thank you for trying to protect me, but that's not how we protect ourselves anymore. It's safe to feel the big feelings. What feelings are you protecting me from?'

Step 8: I listen. 

And in this case, the answers were:

• Old, stored-up sadness from past disappointments

• Old, stored-up fear of something I'm excited about not working out the way I want it to

• Fear of my mom not being well. Fear that things I'm excited about won't work out.

• Anger that I can't make life work out the way I want, when I want (temper tantrum energy)

Step 9: I go to work on those feelings. 

• Anger: I grabbed a blanket and hit the couch over and over. Then repeated, 'I'm ok, even if it's not on my timeline. I'm ok, even if things don't work out.' (Repeat process 3x)

• Sadness: Sadness asks for nurturing, so I gave myself plenty of space for my sadness. I let myself curl up on the couch in blankets and let myself know, 'It's ok to be sad.' (Journaling, sitting in quiet contemplation)

• Fear: Fear asks for reassurance, so I let the fear know, 'It's ok to be scared. The brain doesn't like the unknown. We'll do every step, together. I'm paying attention and I have a lot of skills and tools.'

Step 10: I let myself oscillate in and out of the feelings until they pass. And they do pass.

By doing the work, I empty out a bunch of old, stored up feelings and keep my nervous system in balance as I step into a lot of unknown.

I can only heal what I'm willing to feel.

And, fun fact: I ended up getting a foot massage! She had a cancellation at the last second. So, the meaning-maker was wrong - things can work out even when it doesn't seem like it ;).

Emotional freedom isn't free, but it's worth the effort.

Feel free to reach out with any questions: kristin@kristinwald.com

- Kristin

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